He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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