Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
