Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
