Sponge bath it is.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
