and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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