I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
