Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
