im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
