Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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