You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
