My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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