I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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