I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
