once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
