I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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