As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
