My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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