FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
