he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
