i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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