What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
