I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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