Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
