i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
