I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
