I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize