Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
