So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
