Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
