how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
