i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
