I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I won the penis lottery.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
