i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize