what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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