I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize