When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
