Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
