Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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