Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
