Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
