Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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