When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
