i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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