I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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