he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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