Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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