just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
