He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
