u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
