I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
