Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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