are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ketchup is God's man juice
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
