chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
