she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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