I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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