Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize