My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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