I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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