I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
