We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
