I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
