Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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