ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
