I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
