you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
