heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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