the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
