So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
