I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
