he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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