I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
