Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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