you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
